It is the dawn of 2019 -- time for a round of resolutions! I am fortunate to have spent the past week in Los Angeles, a city deeply committed to self-improvement. So I have decided to draw my New Year's resolutions entirely from the mile-long stretch of Ventura Blvd. in Studio City, between Coldwater and Laurel Canyons. And here they are.
Resolution 1: Get in Shape
There are dozens of fitness studios in this mile of Ventura Blvd.--I tried to count, but I ran out of fingers. Here's a sample from a single block closest to our vacation rental:
Full disclosure: I have been to one of these emporia, Electric Soul Yoga, four times during my week in Studio City. I am not yet Hotte, but my soul is at least 65% charged.
Resolution 2: Get a Better Face
This establishment promises a certain European panache:
As well as transformation, at least in the short term:
And if the Face Haus can't deliver satisfactory results, more dramatic approaches are on offer:
Resolution 3: Find Inner Peace by Getting a Manicure
Resolution 4: Get Bronzed, Airbrushed and Sugared
I am not at all sure what these processes involve; but there are nearly as many body-sugaring businesses as there are nail salons (which is to say, a LOT); and I'm quite sure they would make me infinitely more lovely in some way I can barely imagine.
And I figure that if the sugaring aspect gets a little excessive, I can always head here to fix things up:
Resolution 5: Get More Hair
Resolution 6: Get the Right Hair
Should one's hair prove to be erroneous, then the Eddy James Salon offers its expertise in Color Correction:
Resolution 7: Get Less Hair
So many options here! You can you can thread:
You can microblade, which sounds scary:
Or you can wax! I'm thinking that services from this establishment would pair nicely with a facial from the FaceHaus:
I had to venture out of Studio City, into Silver Lake, to fully comprehend the force of the hair removal imperative.
The very same business urging me to wax immediately(!) displays this book in its front window:
Which brings me to my final LA-inspired resolution for 2019:
Resolution 8: Join the Feminist Revolution
Because once I am sculpted, laqcuered, wrinkle-free, bronzed, sugared, hairy and waxed, I'll be damned if I'll allow the patriarchy to tell me what to do.