Your Efficient Neighbors hang their laundry to dry rather than running the dryer. Your Efficient Neighbors do not even OWN a dryer! They only run the washing machine when it is very, very full; and they never, ever use hot water.
Your Efficient Neighbors keep their home at a breezy 55 degrees in the winter, and a balmy 82 degrees in the summer. To deal with the winter chill, Your Efficient Neighbors wrap themselves in scarves and shawls hand-knitted from responsibly-sourced cashmere.
Your Efficient Neighbors do not have EnergyStar appliances: they have EnergyGoldStar appliances.
Your Efficient Neighbors do not daydream in the shower, nor do not let hot water run for long minutes over their aching muscles. Your Efficient Neighbors do not have aching muscles because they do more yoga than you do. Plus they do things like Reiki and Shiatsu, which are words that you do not understand.
Your Efficient Neighbors do not watch television. Oh, no, no, no! Instead, to amuse themselves, they write little plays and perform them by candlelight, like the March sisters in Little Women.
Your Efficient Neighbors have a smaller carbon footprint than yours. Also, they are cuter, richer, smarter, funnier, and have better hair.
Your Efficient Neighbors never leave the lights on when they leave a room. In fact, they rarely need to turn on the lights at all: their lives are illuminated by the sheer glow of their virtue.
Your Efficient Neighbors do not hide this light under a bushel, because that would be wasteful.
Your Efficient Neighbors scrape, rather than rinse, their dishes before loading them into the dishwasher, which they only run when it is completely full. In fact, Your Efficient Neighbors often eliminate the need to do dishes altogether by eating off of paper plates.
Your Efficient Neighbors unplugged almost all of their appliances 18 months ago before driving their Humvee to Sedona, Arizona, where they own a 5,000 sq ft vacation home, because you can work from anywhere these days, so why not? Your Efficient Neighbors plan to stay in Sedona full-time at least until the office re-opens in January; although given the new hybrid schedule, Your Efficient Neighbors may just fly back East once a week for Tuesday staff meetings. Your Efficient Neighbors feel comfortable with this plan both because the A/C in Sedona works so very well (even when it got up to 115 degrees last summer!), and because of their excellent burglar alarm back East, which is in fact the only appliance they’ve left plugged in.
But that’s OK! Because after all, Your Efficient Neighbors’ burglar alarm is EnergyGoldStar.