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Market Garden

In a move that is sure to send shock waves through the home gardening world, Amazon has just announced plans to buy my vegetable patch.

"This garden has been nourishing and delighting the Gould-Ansolabehere family for years, and we plan to continue that tradition" said Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos.  "It's also been a big favorite of marauding local fauna, including chipmunks, rabbits and raccoons.   We see this as a natural platform for gaining penetration into the ever-expanding suburban vermin market."

"Organics are the fastest-growing segment in the food space," said an Amazon spokeman.   "After the Whole Foods deal, home gardens are the obvious next step for us."  

"It is the holy grail of the retail sector to anticipate consumer needs before the customers themselves know they have them," said market analyst Trend McBuck, speculating about how this acquisition might bring Amazon to a new level of customer intimacy.    "From now on Amazon will be able to peer into the family's bathroom windows to see if they're running low on toilet paper.   They'll have the capacity to collect real-time data by scanning the household's shelves so they'll know when there's room to sell them more crap."

The price of the acquisition was undisclosed.

Oh, fine.   Twist my arm:   Bezos offered to cover the cost of my Prime membership for three years!   Plus free same-day shipping for any grocery items I purchase from my backyard veggie patch.

Absolutely free same-day shipping!   You can't beat that.

Comments

From Diane Ripstein | On June 18, 2017 @12:46 pm
Love it!!!! You have captured the zeitgeist (spelling?) perfectly. "suburban vermin market".... There's poetry in them thar words. sighhh

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